That’s not an easy question to answer. At some point, it seems easier to just walk away. And that may be the best idea if you’ve not yet tied The Knot.
Because after the wedding, you have a Bigger Challenge. You’ve made a commitment for Better or Worse. You just didn’t know what you’re going through now is what that preacher meant when he said “worse.”
I’ve had a theory about relationships for a long time now. And it has proven trustworthy in so many situations.
But does it apply to all?
My Theory is that when a man gets what he needs from his wife, he will automatically give her what she needs. I say that because I know how few men are getting their own emotional needs met. That means a wife who anticipates his needs – even the ones he doesn’t know he has – is a rare and precious companion.
And He will do anything to take care of her.
He who finds a wife finds what is good
and receives favor from the Lord. PROVERBS 18:22
But what if he’s got an addiction? Or is emotionally unavailable? Or lazy? Or unfaithful? Or just plain mean? Does My Theory apply to those men as well?
In the beginning, the man was not created because the woman needed him; rather the woman was created because the man needed her. 1 CORINTHIANS 11:8-9
If Paul was correct, then even the worst of men need something from their women. The question is, “What?”
Sometimes it’s compassion.
Sometimes it compassion wrapped in tough love.
Really tough love.
So what would that look like in your relationship? It totally depends upon how your define the problem. Your emotions help you know there is a problem. But they’re not very good at helping you define it.
And without an accurate definition of what’s going on, it’s hard – really hard – to know the best response. In other words, to know, not what your man says he wants, but what he actually needs from you.
Different problems require different solutions.
So make sure you understand the problem fully before you begin working on it. If that ship has already sailed, you can build a new ship. And I’m here to help.